Wow, the stanley cup was actually really entertaining, Too bad they only have 4 games a year on network TV

(I wrote this after game 7 but just been too busy to post)

How hilarious are NBC's game 7 hypothetical Rudy-esque coaches speeches their analysts give to the empty locker rooms before the game. So classic. It needs more Rudy coach!

Pierre McGuire (Pittsburgh):

“This is your moment, this may not be our rink, but this is our room, we walk together, we go to the ice together, we win together. When this night is over we bring the stanley cup back to our great fans.”

Ok that's semi-rudy. But I got a fever and the only cure is some full blown RUDY.

Mike Milbury (Detroit):

It's a privledge it's not a burden there shouldn't be any pressure. Pressure... hell we know what pressure is. Pressure is the people here that lost their jobs. Those are the people that you... you represent today. And all they want... all they want from you today is one last day of effort, one last day of work. And if you give me that, you'll give yourselves and your teammates and this city... a legacy that will last more than a lifetime...”

Quack... Quack. Quack. Quack! Quack!! QUACK! QUACK!!!

That shit is seriously hilarious. Mind you he's talking to the empty jerseys, pretending to be their coach.

Ps. Clearly Mark Jackson of the NBA on ABC three stooges that did the finals saw that I renamed this site in honor of Hubie B's suckery... and wasn't happy. Thus began an historic rampage of color commentator douchebaggery built cliche by cliche out of meaningless frontrunning one-liners from the mouth of said analyst Mark Jackson during these NBA finals. Well, sorry Mark, Rome wasn't built in a day, and you suck hard, but not as hard as Hubie. But look out old master cause... (in the immortal words of MJ) "Momma there goes that man!"

PPs. Just for you edification hear was one of my mark jackson finals tweets:

"If im rashard lewis i say 'hey we've all been invited to the party somebody get on the dance floor with me'" thanks for that pearl mark

Now you're Hubie Brown. Do you read this post...?

After changing my blog's name to honor the great hubie brown I came across this gem of a site which similarly lampoons his unmatchable color commentary prowess

http://nowyourehubiebrown.blogspot.com/2008/10/welcome-to-nyhb.html
Here's a hilarious "poll" from the blog.

Take a peak at these articles specifically: http://nowyourehubiebrown.blogspot.com/2009/04/hubie-on-chauncey.html
http://nowyourehubiebrown.blogspot.com/2008/11/ill-see-your-hubie-quote-and-raise-you.html

It's amazing, I could read HB transcripts all day and never get tired of them. He is the king of non-intentional old man comedy. Seriously. Probably the only reason I find him so infuriating is because over and over again he is constantly and inexplicably held up as some God of NBA broadcasting. Take this ode to hubie (did he really just compare Hubie Brown to PICASSO, IRVING BERLIN, and SHAKESPEARE in the same sentence?! wtf?). Are these guys actually listening to what HB is saying. Jesus Christ it's like he's calling the game for a 5 yr old girl. Does no one SEE THIS?!

okay I'm getting a little too worked up with the caps.

Just FYI if you get tired of me ripping Color guys all the time being repetitive and stating the obvious all the time (*Cough*-Mark Jackson). I'll give you my NBA broadcast dream team so you no where I'm coming from:

-Play-by-Play - Marv Albert (He's exciting, smart and dryly sarcastic all at once, the sound of his voice is so full of Jordan-era nostaligia... and he bit a prostitute on the back... how do you even do that??)
-Serious Analyst - Doug Collins. (smarter, more honest, and less cliche-dependant that any other color guy and knows tons about the game)
-Secondary Analyst/Humor Guy - Jeff Van Gundy (Brutally honest, sarcastic, the ultimate "underdog" sort of guy, also REALLY smart about the game in out-of-the-box ways that other CCs really don't even approach)

Thoughts on Magic-Cavs Game 1

I didn't think game 1 of the eastern conference finals could live up to what we saw last night, and for the first 2 quarters I thought I was right. That was until Orlando woke up and started giving it to the Cavs, culminating in one of the better Conference final games I've ever seen (Not the best tho... come on I lived through the Jordan era). But this surpassed what we saw last night, especially the incredible ending.

So here are some thoughts I had (Too big for tweets... plus after 8 texts in 5 minutes that shit can start to get annoying *cough* BILL SIMMONS *cough*... and hopefully, smaller in scope than last night madman rantings):

1. Most call him Michael Pietrus, I call him ... "the Lebron Stopper."
-- Ok, nobody will ever live up to that ridiculous "kobe stopper" nickname that rueben patterson gave himself but still, it's got a ring to it. Anyway, Pietrus (as well as Anthony Johnson on a couple possessions) played incredible defense on Lebron who up until the 4th was having maybe the best playoff game in NBA history. A lot of that should be credited to pietrus who was about the only Orlando player that didnt look totally terrified of taking a charge on bron bron.

2. Which brings me to a major Cavs problem as the playoffs progress. They were terrible offensively at the end of the game, and here's why. Their late game offense is as follows: give 'bron the ball, guards spot up in corners, ...watch. And repeat. While, this may work sometimes I just don't think it's a reliable end of game offense to run when you absolutely need a bucket, and we saw this when West made one 3 off a lebron drive but then missed the final one that would have put the game away. A good comparison is Boston, who generally plays final possessions in tight games better than anyone. They have a Pierce isolation option at the elbow, but then they also run Allen off of screens, or can have Rondo go to the bucket. Honestly, if I were Mike James I might consider putting the rock in Mo Williams' hands a little more down the stretch and seeing if he can break down Rafer (which he seemed to be capable of all night) and then getting the ball to Lebron as the defense collapses. Because most of his easy, monster dunks come when he is cutting off the ball as opposed to going 1-0n-5.

3. Which leads nicely into the major issue for the Cavs in this series which is matchups. Frankly, the Magic did very little to explout the awful matchup problems the Cavs have when on defense, especially in the 1st half (which Chuck pointed out at halftime). Varejao has no business guarding Lewis... and he can't for that matter, as we saw on the game winning shot, and West is too small for Turkoglu, which interestingly enough didn't play out in Hedo's scoring (because he's uncomfortable exploiting the mismatch in the post) but instead in the passing game where, playing a sort of point-forward, he repeatedly threw the ball easily over West for wide open Howard dunks. Hedo after all had an astonishing (for him) 14 assists. Yes, Lebron playing Alston early allowed him to cheat off Rafer and get some amazing blocks from the help side, but in the end he had to switch onto Turkoglu in order to stop the bleeding, thus expending more of his precious energy. On a side note, Alston really needs to take Lebron off the dribble if he's guarding him, and then dish when he draws the second defender. Alston sort of gave up that attack after his layup got stuffed by 'Bron in the 3rd quarter. But Hedo picked up the slack and forced the switch anyway. Furthermore, Z just can't guard or box out Howard, nor can he defend the pick and roll at the top of the key. Offensively, exploiting these mismatches is what brought the magic back into the game and what will make or break the rest of the series for them. Their easy second half scoring also tempered the Cavs transition game and thus helped their defense dig in. Van Gundy made some great adjustments at halftime I have to say. And playing Pietrus (who is really looking like a baller all of sudden), Gortat and AJ when he did really paid off.

4. I thought this game was officiated worse than last nights game. Literally, Howard committed an ACTUAL foul on 2 of his 6 fouls, AT MOST. The first offensive was very iffy, but let's say arguable. The 2nd was a joke, and almost looked like they meant to call a travel but had a brain cramp and forgot the word for traveling and so they just called a phantom foul instead. The 3rd involved Lebron tripping on a spin move past pietrus and falling into Howard who was standing still. The 5th was a clean block where Howard "brought his hands down on the ball" over Lebron... of course, when Lebron did that in the 1st half and actually made CONTACT there was no call. And the six was just blatantly bogus, with Howard jumping straight up in the air and Lebron getting bailed out.

On the other end, Mo Williams picked up 3 inexplicable fouls in 10 seconds, putting the Magic in the penalty well before they deserved to be there.

Here's an interesting thought about NBA officiating. What if they called the entire game like they call the 4th quarters. In other words, they let the flow of the game continue, in place of calling ticky tack fouls, bailing out off balance penetration, and giving players unnecessary personals... kinda like they do at the end of games when all of a sudden the game becomes really FUN to watch because the officials aren't dictating the flow of the action. Why should that only happen at the end of games, and why should officiating change based on the score and clock anyway...? who knows... let's just blame David Stern again and call it a night. That always makes me happy.

Another thing that makes me happy is incredible NBA playoff games and these 2 have delivered. I actually jumped up, pumped my fist several times, and yelled (indirectly I'll admit) in Varejao's face (drawing a smirk from my grilfriend... who was reading the 4th Twilight book on the couch next to me-- my turn to smirk) when Rashard hit that money 3 to win it.

5. Despite all the issues that the Cavs have matchup-wise on defense, and "Lebron-watching"-wise on offense. I still think they have a better chance of winning this series than the lakers theirs. Here's what I would say. In close games, the Cavs (the better team talent-wise) have about a 50% chance of winning because of their aforementioned problems, but (as we saw in the 1st half) they are very capable of blowing the Magic out, especially at home. They are just too good as a team when everything is clicking and they are moving the ball and running. And their crowd (when it doesn't fall asleep, seriously that 3rd quarter was emabarassing for Cleveland fans) is a huge factor in home games.

I'm thinking the Cavs win the rest of their home games in this series (2 of the 3 by a healthy margin) and then play 3 close games in Orlando, stealing 1 of the 3 (they are not gonna ever be blown out in this series, not with Lebron able to take over at any time). So I still think Cavs in 7 (I'll be rooting for the Magic every game of course) but it could come down to an incredible game 6 in orlando if they are down 2-3 at that point... which would really be scary for Lebron and Co.
Of course, it never goes down how we think it will, and that's why these games are so fun to watch.

6. I dislike him sometimes because every defender that's ever guarded him refuses to hammer him in the lane or take a charge when he's coming full speed for a dunk (yeah I know how bad it would hurt), but I gotta hand it to Lebron who (except for that flop on Pietrus's offensive foul) played an incredibly physical, competitive, emotional game for every second he was on the floor. When he gets the full killer instinct at the end of games (and he's almost, ALMOST there) he will be BY FAR the greatest to ever play the game, and I will be able to say I saw him come into his own. Which is amazing.

Can't wait for tomorrow night. Thinking about getting a K-Mart kissy lips tattoo to commemorate my excitement... wait no I'm not.

Thoughts on Nuggets-Lakers Game 1

1st off... wow. What a game. I literally can't wait for the rest of this series, esp. when it goes back to denver. That place is gonna be nuts! A couple thoughts that I have to get off my chest b4 I can force myself to sleep:

1. The NBA really, really, REALLY needs to change their rule on fouls that give the advantage to the team fouling. It applies to Hack-a-Shaq situations but it ruins the game even more in late games situations like tonight. Here's really the only answer that works: throughout the game a team should be able to decline fouls (just like they can in the NFL) and take the ball out of bounds (moreover intentional off the ball fouls should ALWAYS be 1 shot by any player and the ball (a la tech fouls), thus eliminating advantage of using hack-a-shaq to slow down tempo). But here's the wrinkle that affects the late game down-by-3-with-the-ball scenario where you purposely foul as the Lakers did tonight. A foul by the team that is WINNING withing the final 2 MINUTES, should be declinable, but not vice versa. So, in other words a team would not be able to decline fouls within the last 2 minutes of the game if they are winning and the other team is scrambling to come back and using fouls to do so.

I know this sounds a little complicated but basically what I want is declinable fouls all game long except if you are leading in the final 2 minutes. Think about it this way. What would you rather watch? Chauncey Billups attempt another ridiculous off balance 3 to possibly tie the game (and you KNOW he makes it too... he is "Mr. Big Shot") or a mad scramble for the rebound of an intentionally missed free throw that really has little to do with basketball at all?

Seriously, for a game THAT great to end that way is a travesty. Of course David Stern will never change the rule because he fucking sucks balls... (but that's another story, for another post)

2. I've never seen Melo play that hard. Period. What you realize watching him come alive defensively and competitively in these playoffs is how much being great in the NBA is about will. I still think the Nuggs are limited if they decide to go one-on-one offense with Melo late in games but he played ridiculous defense on Kobe and worked so hard for post position (despite several uncalled fouls I might add). And without once flopping to get a call which Bryant does 50% of the times he feels any contact.

3. While I complain about the bad rule on the up-by-3 fouling, let's be honest. This game was GIVEN away by the nuggets bc they can't run a fucking inbounds play. I mean seriously, how many times does this happen at the end of games. Why can't you just draw up a legitimate play to get somone OPEN?! George Karl? Anyone???? I feel like every time Bill simmons talks about college ball he gets all up on his high horse about how they just don't play very smart in college, how they make silly mistakes and it makes for bad basketball. But not being able to run a simple inbounds play at the end of a game. Well that looked like college ball... bad college ball. And actually you see it all the time in the NBA. Worst of all, guy's weren't really trying that hard to get open.



seriously, watch the play unfold (@3:00 in the above vid). Melo jogs around a curls screen towards the baseline almost a token effort because it's not designed to get him the ball unless he's totally open, and then Billups Jogs non-chalantly towards mid court only to get stripped easily by Ariza. Please, draw up a play where the screens actually get someone relatively open and SPRINT to the spot. Come on, it's the end of the game. and Secondly, wtf is George Karl doing subbing in AC for birdman, and then having AC inbound the ball against Lamar Odom? Birdman should be in to get an offensive board anyway... you really think AC is gonna make the final shot? Really??

Seriously, that is just amateur. And seriously frustrating as the deciding play in such a great game. What is this Jackson St. vs. IUPUI?

4. Nobody really mentioned this when it happened but wtf was with the Melo tech when he clapped his hands. Did he say something awful? Because if that's what it takes to get a tech in a Western Conference finals game (clapping your fucking hands) then Kobe should have gotten three techs instead of one. Of course, the refs are so used to Kobe complaining that they don't even notice it any more unless he is throwing an all out hissy fit like he did in the 2nd half. I only mention this because the Melo tech not being called changed everything if you give the lakers a 2 pt instead of a 3 pt lead at the end of that game. That said, I will assume for the refs' sake that it was what he said, and not the clap, that did it, but as bad as NBA reffing is sometimes, it's hard to say.

5. I recently did one of those 5 favorite lists on facebook naming my 5 fav current NBA players (JJ Barea, Stephen Jackson, Joakim Noah, Birdman, and Rondo). It was impossible to get everybody I liked in there (JT, Gordon, Hinrich and Rose all were worthy) but I realized in the middle of the game tonight that K-mart would absolutely be on that list if he didn't have that awful kiss tattoo on his neck. Seriously, man get that shit lasered off and we'll talk because right now you look retarded. On a side note, K-mart has some even worse tattoos including a grim reaper holding a basketball and chinese lettering that he thought meant "never satisfied" but according to yao ming actually translates to something more along the lines of "indecisive" or "unaggressive." Nice.
That said, he played some unbelievable, strong-willed defense tonight, against bigger guys, and it was fun to watch. Message to Mark Cuban (ironically my fav nba owner) pull a Cuban and resolve the K-Mart feud in the all-out wackiest way possible by signing K-mart next season. It's so crazy it just might work. After all K-Mart fears no man but God... and the Grim Reaper of basketball.

5. Mark Jackson is the 2nd worst color commentator in the NBA (Hubie Brown of course being the worst, no contest), and everytime he utters a trite, cliche ridden phrase to accent a push to commercial I want to shoot myself in the face. Worst of all, half the time the cliche's are clearly incorrect, in that he seems to have come up with something he likes the sound of, the finality of and thus goes with it even as the replay he's talking under seems to completely undermine his point. Worst of all, he's stealing time from Van Gundy, who is far and away the best color guy in the league bc he says what he's actually thinking about what he's actually seeing. Novel idea, I know. He doesn't just blurt out the first pretty cliche that comes to his head. For example, if they're watching a replay and after watching it the call is clearly bad, Van Gundy will say something akin to "but that's a charge. that's a bad call." Whereas Jackson, forever sticking to the script, will counter with something like "but that's just Kobe Bryant getting to the bucket, imposing his will, and not allowing his team to lose..." and cut to a fucking KIA ad. Seriously, read those lines in your head with their voices and tell me I'm wrong.

Anyway, Jackson's bad Color Comm. got me thinking about what to re-name the blog now that Madden has indeed retired and what I realized is that the aforementioned Hubie Brown has been the worst Color Commentator in ANY sport all along, and I just overlooked it because Madden is more well known. But no more my friends. Brown must be called out (for numerous reasons that I'll detail later along with a drinking game you can actually play while watching the mind-numbing games he does), and called out he will be...

I now give you: Please Retire Hubie -- a sports blog about shit that actually makes sense.

Playoffs?? Playoffs?!! (to be said like Jim Mora circa '92)

That's right, it's time for the NBA playoffs and with races tight and a few teams surging late the matchups look more intriguing than they have in years. Which is exciting esp. because of how boring the NCAA Tourney was this year (seriously, was anybody beside an alumnus of NC actually rooting for the Tar Heels, watching Hansbrough try to act all excited after they won by 30 was fucking awful!) Just look at some of the 1st Round matchups. Even the Cavs-Pistons, though it won't be close, is interesting bc it's a rematch of last years eastern conference finals. Then you have a surging Bulls team meeting the Celtics without KG and a toss up between the Hawks and Heat. And meanwhile the West is packed tighter than a fudge factory.

Watching the Mavs-Rockets game, which was really like a playoff game throughout was the thing that brought playoffs energy back for me. Sorta like hearing Christmas music for the first time in November and the little kid in you just feels a little spark of excitement somewhere deep inside. Well that was this game. First of all, the Mavs got manhandled by Yao in the 2nd quarter and were suddenly down by 14 in the 3rd looking lost, offensively and soft on the boards and in the paint. Dirk was off, JT wasn't getting the ball, and Josh Howard was non-existent (as usual) to put it nicely. In other words, the Mavs we've come to know and love over the past 3 years-- so much talent, but little confidence or passion. Then Dampier, wh0 was guarding Yao got his 4th foul and had to sit, so the Mavs brought in Ryan Hollins at the 5 and I'm thinking 'Game Over... why doesn't Carlisle put in Brandon Bass' because Hollins is literally half the size of Yao.

But a funny thing happens.... Hollins actually starts to fight on the block. He grabs a rebound from yao, makes an energy play or two, then out of nowhere catches a tough lob and slams it in Yao's face and-1.

It wasn't the sickest dunk but just the way he reacted was the great part. He just screamed in Artest's face. All of a sudden everybody on Dallas was chest-bumping, talking shit... and you knew they were back in the game. Hollins gets another bucket, the mavs start attacking Yao, drawing fouls from the big man. Hollins draws an offensive foul from him down the other end by fighting hard for postition and all of a sudden Yao has 3 quick fouls (after having 0 for two and a half quarters). the mavs have cut it under 10, and the crowd is going nuts (remember Dallas has to win this game in order to move up to #6 and not play Denver who swept them this year).

The Hollins dunk turned the entire game around. All of a sudden the mavs started fighting on defense, and not just watching Nowitski go 1-on-5 on offense. Jason Kidd suddenly is denying Artest the ball 6 ft outside the 3-point line (taking an elbow on the chin and almost starting a scuffle at one point), and JJ Barea is driving to the hoop again. Then Jason Terry hits 2 threes, and then draws Yao's 4th foul. Then JT just lights up, hitting everything he shoots, and suddenly the offense opens up for Dirk, and before you know it Dallas is up 9. In less than 14 Minutes! Oh and did I mention that even Josh Howard caught fire at one point in the run-- see miracles DO happen!

By the middle of the 4th as Dallas pulled away, and Cuban started jumping up every time Jason Terry touched the ball, Houston couldn't even get Yao the ball-- after Hollins left Bass came in and fronted him better than I've seen anyone do it all year (Bass is a beast on defense if you didn't already know), and the Houston players, with the exception of Kyle Lowry off the bench who is a stud, were totally confounded.

Anyway, it was a great game, and the crowd was bonkers for the last 20 minutes of it, lead by on-court cheerleading by Jason Terry who is one of the most fun "non-megastars" to watch in the NBA. And yes, in my heart I now knew it was time for the playoffs... and Goddamn it, they better be good!

......

So, I decided it was time to make some playoff predictions, because while the matchups are intriguing I think I've got a good handle on who can win and why.

We'll start with the West:

Lakers (1) vs (Jazz (8) -- Lakers in 5.
Clearly this series spells trouble for Utah and I'm pretty sure they can't win a game in LA but they'll probably win 1 at home considering how well they play in salt lake. The interesting thing will be how physical Utah gets and if Deron Williams can go unconscious and start taking the game over and dominating Fisher like he did last year. If that happens and Utah ties it up 2-2 then anything could happen. Unlikely scenario though considering how discombobulated Utah looks this year.

Nuggets (2) vs Hornets (7) -- Hornets in 6.
Here's why: Between the 2-7 teams in the West there is really a slim margin of difference. Which applies especially to NO who are just getting Tyson Chandler back after a month of Injury. Also, I just don't think the Nuggets can win by constantly running the ball in the playoffs, and they have no low-post game for the half-court. Don't count on JR smith making 11 threes a game in this series. Meanwhile, if NO can slow the games down and pick-and-roll they'll have a huge advantage. Yes, Chauncey Billups makes this a totally new Denver team, especially late in games; that's why this'll be a 6 or 7 game series. But I give CP3 and co. the advantage, esp. with their experience from last year.

Spurs (3) vs Mavs (6) -- Spurs in 7.
This might be the best series of the whole 1st round because of how much these teams hate each other (Think back to '06 with the Nowitski and-1 in game 7). Now that the Suns are gone this is the last of the great playoff rivalries from 5 or so years ago, and considering the way the Mavs played at the end of the season, and especially last night, I think it'll be very close. But... despite how much I'll be rooting against them, I always give the advantage to the Spurs in tight, half-court games, because of their defense. So, even without Ginobili I think the spurs will eke this out, and home court will be a difference maker. Preparing ahead of time to get my heart ripped out by a Roger Mason 3 as time expires in game 7.

Portland (4) vs Rockets (5) -- Portland in 7
Interestingly enough, the Rockets may actually be a better playoff team without Tracy McGrady, because instead of watching him isolate they start every possession by going inside and they're moving the ball to their shooters extremely well as of late. Moreover, McGrady out gives more time to players like Lowry and Von Wafer, who can really score and make their bench a force to be reckoned with. The only reason that they won't win this series is that Portland's bench is actually even better. Portland brings in 5 guys in Fernandez, Gonzalez, Outlaw, Frye and Oden who will probably all start at one point in their NBA futures. McMillan has the luxury of playing them all together at times and they score like starters. This'll be close but I think the Blazers are the 2nd best team in the West this year and they'll utilize home-court, a great bench and clutch play from Brandon Roy and win it in 7.


The East:

Cavs (1) vs (8) Pistons -- Cavs in 5
This won't be close, but wouldn't it be great if the Pistons suddenly woke up and made it close, forcing Lebron to go bonkers a la the 2007 Eastern Conference championship where he scored his teams last 23 points. Anyway, that won't happen, but the Pistons will steal one and then look to dump their veterans in the off-season like a sack of slighly moldy potatos that the unemployed in Detroit and Flint would likely still enjoy for dinner.

Celtics (2) vs Bulls (7) -- Celtics in 7
This will be the best 1st round matchup in the East, esp. because it's finally out that KG's nagging injuries are worse than Boston was letting on. Add to that a surging Bulls team that is strangely (for the bulls at least) deep with the addition of Salmons and Miller and it makes for a great series that Boston will only win with some heroics from Paul Pierce I believe. The other thought is that as long as Leon Powe stays healthy the Celtics are still VERY good defensively and that will be a huge factor, as I see Chicago having trouble scoring.

Magic (3) vs Sixers (6) -- Magic in 6
While I'd love to see this one be very close or even dare I say it... a sixers upset, I know deep down that the Magic are just too good with their starting five to be fully challenged in this series. After all, Sammy Dalembert (who will be guarding Dwight Howard) could each his entire body weight like a snake and still not be as big as Howard. So yeah, fast breaks and steals will only get them so far. That said I think it will go to 6 mostly because the Magic rely to much on 3s and it will probably come back to bite them in a couple games.

Hawks (4) vs. Heat (5) -- Hawks in 7
Now I know everyone and their mother has been jumpin on the D. Wade band wagon and guaranteeing them a 2nd round matchup with Lebron and the the Cavs but I think that underestimates the talent of Atlanta's starting 5 and Joe Johnson specifically. Remember round 1 last year when Johnson went off on Boston and, at the end of games, they started double teaming him when he got to half court and he STILL scored. Well, all I'm saying is that D-Wade isn't the only clutch scorer in this series and matchups like Bibby-Chalmers and Horford-O'neal will NOT help the Heat.

(On a side note you have to check this out. Who knew an interactive view of the Heat Roster could be so Classy, Sexy and 80s at the same time. James Jones and Mario Chalmers... always undressing me with your eyes and OH MAN Chris Quinn looks like some fucked up version of the American Psycho guy... lmfao, this is great)



Anywho, Onto the 2nd Round. The West:

Lakers vs Blazers -- Lakers in 7
This is the hypothetical series I'm most pumped about. If you saw this:


Then you know how bad the blood is between these teams this season. The Blazers were even fined for playing this in the opening montage before their next game against LA. Beyond that the player matchups are just sick. Steve Blake vs Fisher will be interesting in that Blake is lanky as a defender and quick enough to blow by Fish, Kobe-Roy could be absolutely Epic, Gasol vs Aldredge will be very even I think, Pryzbilla will try his best to keep Bynum off the glass but that may be advantage Lakers, and one of the more intriguing ones will be who has a bigger impact off the bench Odom/"The Machine" Vujacic or Outlaw/Fernandez. Just thinking about this and how much Portland fans hate LA (and have ever since that Miracle shaq-kobe 15 point comeback in the 4th quarter to win game 6 of the conference finals) gives an LA-tethered Laker-hater like myself chills. I'm imagining Roy just anhilating Kobe with a dunk in game 6 and the Rose Garden just exploding. Can't wait for this series.

Spurs vs Hornets -- Spurs in 7
Again a great rivalry game after last years 7 game series between these two. And I think it will be close again. Both teams are probably worse than they were when they met last year, but I think it will be a good, close series again. This is a close one, probably 50/50 but again I give the Spurs the advantage because of how well they play half court teams and defend the pick and roll. If the Spurs do indeed beat the Mavs in 7 and then the Hornets in 7 it will officially KILL me because I hate the Spurs and watching their parade-to-the-line style of play eats away at my very soul.... On the other hand, though, at least I won't have to watch Manu flop 20 times during this series.

The East, 2nd Round:

Cavs vs Hawks -- Cavs in 6
Everybody's massively in love with the Cavs and Lebron now, and I can't necessarily blame them but I'm not sure the Cavs will score as easily as they have during the season in the playoffs. That said the Hawks can't really match up with Lebron (Marvin Williams anyone?) so this one will probably have a couple blowout games.

Celtics vs Magic -- Celts in 7
Again, the Magic relying on 3s and Howard's tendency to disappear in big games even when faced with Shitty big men (like the Celtics will be forced to play with KG out) will hurt them, and I think the Celtics playing on pure guts and crowd noise will squeak out a good one, especially if Rondo can chew up Rafer alston like I expect him to.

Western Finals:
Lakers vs Spurs -- Lakers in 5
This will probably be a big let down of a series and even worse an exact repeat of what happened last year, where an old, beat-up, tired Spurs team wins two hard fought rounds and then meets a Lakers team that is deep and primed to destroy them quickly and without much trouble.

Eastern Finals:
Cavs vs Celtics -- Cavs in 6
4 letters: No KG. Like Bill Simmons said this morning Pierce will have the exhausting job of having to guard Lebron (who's much more physical this year) and carry the team offensively in terms of creating shots. I just don't see the Celts winning any in Cleveland.

THE FINALS:
Ok so I'm no idiot savant for picking a Cavs-Lakers final, I know, but I'm hoping that my genius lies in picking how close each series will be (and the Hornets/Nuggets upset). But, either way, I could gve a shit about these picks as long as the playoffs are entertaining and have a wealth of 7 game series which I feel good about right now. This finals matchup will probably be no different, and I don't see how it can possibly NOT go 6 or 7 games. I think the Lakers will probably win it for 2 reasons:

1) I think the Lakers are PISSED. I'm sure giving up that Kobe and the rest spent a lot of the off-season stewing about giving up that 24 pt lead in game 4 at Staples, and I don't think that they will let that happen again. Mainly, this boils down to Kobe and co. being more mentally prepared to win it than Lebron. After all, basketball, as we see more and more every season, is more about confidence and decision-making than physical skills by something like a 20 to 1 ratio. And by that I mean simply that everybody in the NBA has talent and, at some level, can score, so what differentiates the players that grow and thrive under pressure is mostly based on what goes on in their heads (the best example of this is watching 6 ft pip squeek JJ Barea take over Mavs games where he's the least talented scorer on the floor purely because he believes he can get to the basket and make something happen). While Lebron is sort of a freak of nature physically and talent wise, even he only plays his best when everything's clicking psychologically. That said I think Kobe (and thus Sensai spiritual guru master Phil Jackson as well) is more ready to win this one. Conversely, I think Lebron will probably be the best player in the history and near future of basketball, better than Kobe, Wilt, Jordan... Everybody. But he's gotta get that killer instinct that Jordan had first. And he's getting close, I just don't think it's fully there yet, and I think that will probably manifest itself in one frustrating game in the finals where he just can't get to the rim consistently and starts settling for 3s and shooting too late in the shot clock. With teams this even, that one game will be the difference. (Side note: can you imagine Jordan with Lebron's body? ... Actually, come to think of it I can. He wins the three championships 3 years earlier, gets bored because it's no longer hard to win (really, really bored) and then retires, only he decides to play football instead and Da Bears win 2 Superbowls in the early 90s with Jim Harbaugh at QB and MJ at Receiver).

2) Despite the fact that I just devoted a paragraph to the psychological outweighing pure talent in basketball, reason #2 is that the Lakers are just more talented, top to bottom, than the Cavs. Gasol can guard Z away from the basket and hinder the pick and roll, Bynum will post up Varejao all day, Mo williams will have an advantage over Fisher but the lakers Bench is better and, most of all they rotate well and won't give up a billion open threes to the cavs shooters like everyone else does.

That said I think Charles Barkley said an interesting thing the other night on TNT. He said if the Lakers don't win it this year, it will be so destructive for Kobe that he'll never win again with that team. I'm not sure he'd be unable to win with them EVER, but I think the idea that not winning it with this lakers team (one that's absolutely STACKED) would kill him, is totally true and I bet that the lakers won't get back to the finals the next year if that happens... but "ever" is a little much.

Anywho that's it. At some point in the 1st round I'm gonna put out my list of 5 favorite non-megastars to watch from the teams still playing. I like watching Kobe and Lebron but I can't stand how many calls they get so I have to say I like watching a few other guys way better (a few are mentioned above).

Later gators... and if the playoffs suck I'm officially done with basketball... til 2010 atleast.

The Nightmare is Over

BOOM! We Did It!!!!!!! Now to find a new name....

I bet if I change it though, Madden will come back like Jordan at the ungodly age of 90 or something to join forces with Dick Enberg and do three more superbowls as the most senile booth in football history. After all he is, of course, immortal.

Like the highlander except fatter.

I'm BAAAAACK bitches!

So It's time to post to this MF-er again. Partly bc Jessica keeps complaining about how much college ball I've been watching ("it's the Mofo-ing tourney woman!"), and so my usual response is to offer up that as long as I'm creative about sports and produce something, it's worth it to rot my brain watching basketball (a sport that she hates probably because, as someone who's never been 12 and on an MJ-like unstoppable shooting streak in a 1-on-1 game in somebody's driveway at any point in her life, she doesn't fully get the game, and I almost can't blame her).

Also, I'm realizing that I might actually get some suckers to glance at this now that facebook has invaded all our brains (I'm waiting for the experimental brain chip... your move google/facebook, what's it gonna be?).

But even Jessica has to admit (and apparently even my mom, for that matter, who called me TWICE in breathless excitement after 'Nova won saturday) that some basketball games are just classic. And yes, they have to be great right down to the buzzer to be classic, but if you just watch the 4th quarter you're a damn cheater! This is where Scottie Reynolds comes in.

That Nova-Pitt game was so good that even tho I DVR-ed it (was working this weekend) and inferred from my mom's on-the-phone wonderment before I could stop her that Nova had won a close game (we're from philly), it was still AWESOME to watch. Especially because with 20 seconds to play, and Nova up 5 I was wondering what all the fuss had been about. Then Sam Young drains a 3, Jay Wright unthinkably draws up the dumbest full court pass on the ensuing inbounds, and then Cory Fisher tries to draw a charge with 15 seconds to play??!!! And I know 'Nova's gonna win (well 99.9% sure) but I'm still yelling at the TV: "Fisher what are you thinking?!" Refs will NEVER give you that charge call with 15 seconds to play, when you're the underdog and you're up by 2 in an open floor situation. NEVER. (which reminds me that I'd love to right a post on how bad situational b-ball reffing has become, esp. in college, to the point that refs have almost stopped weighing in what the play looked like and are basing 90% of their call on what the circumstances in the game seem to call for-- # of fouls on a star player, time left, tightness of the score, whether fav. or underdog is winning, which team just had a tough 50/50 call go against them, which coach is madder at the refs, how much advantage was gained by fouling, whether the shot went in, etc, etc, ETC... which is a big problem when (as is the case in the modern game) 80%+ of calls are 40/60 at best. But more on that another time.)

Back to Nova-Pitt and Cory Fisher boneheadingly putting Levance (I'm too fat to play in the NBA but somehow I have this uncanny knack for knocking down every clutch jumper ever) Fields on the line. Of course, he cans both and the score is tied. Which leads to the Scottie Reynolds magic. And Reynolds is no Fields, but at least that means he can haul ass, and there's also a clear killer instinct to his game, something that willed him all the way to the cup, and into Dejaun Blair's body contact to hit the game-winner instead of settling for an open but long 3 like another player might have.

Even with the whole DVR fiasco (which happens to me way too much btw) I still almost thought Fields was gonna sink that full court heave, after all he's LEVANCE FIELDS. And actually it seemed like, from the look on his face, he was expecting it to go down and was heartbroken when he missed. Who knows. I think Goran Suton would have made it though (seriously where did that guy's Sam-Perkins-esque jumper suddenly come from).

Another thing to mention, that few people are saying. Why did Jamie Dixon put on a full court press for that play. With the score tied, 5.5 seconds left, and the fastest two players on the other team. That makes almost zero sense. While Jay Wright might have made the stupidest playcall of the night, Dixon was the coach who ultimately cost his team the game.

...

One side note. Why do I always make bets when I'm HAMMERED? Really why is that? So it's saturday night and a buddy and I are talking elite 8, having just downed a ridiculous blue concoction, containing more types of booze than I can name, called (of course) an "Adios Motherfucker" (that might be the cheesiest name for a drink ever), and I'm explaining why I think OU will beat NC partly bc Tyler Hansbrough is the most overrated player in the NCAA this year (I know he's now officially the highest scoring player in Tourney history but seriously that guy is like the Benjamin Button of basketball players: he gets worse rather than better as time goes by. He was national player of the year last year? Really?? He looked like the 5th offensive option on that team last night. Literally.) But anyway, I'm drunk and suddenly finding myself willing to slap a 20 down on OU winning, in fact, I even say, bizarrely, "you can even take the $20 now because I'm that confident." If that isn't a sign that you just made a drunken bet that you're going to lose, I don't know what is. Fortunately, Nick was also drunk and he graciously made a side bet with me that Louisville would win, which somehow I magically won (thank you, Goran "The Great One" Suton) for 10 dollars, which he let ME hold. So I was only down $10 total for my stupidity. I think I actually said "I'm hedging my bets" with the MSU bet. Hedging with another underdog? Maybe drunk Jody doesn't know the meaning of hedging one's bets, but in the end my loss was in fact "hedged," so who knows... (and we both paid out our losses up front... can't beat the simplicity of that).

peace. hopefully, I'll be back here at least every so often after the final four and once the NBA playoffs heat up. I blame facebook for the year and a half absence... I think.