Friday, May 22, 2009

Now you're Hubie Brown. Do you read this post...?

After changing my blog's name to honor the great hubie brown I came across this gem of a site which similarly lampoons his unmatchable color commentary prowess

http://nowyourehubiebrown.blogspot.com/2008/10/welcome-to-nyhb.html
Here's a hilarious "poll" from the blog.

Take a peak at these articles specifically: http://nowyourehubiebrown.blogspot.com/2009/04/hubie-on-chauncey.html
http://nowyourehubiebrown.blogspot.com/2008/11/ill-see-your-hubie-quote-and-raise-you.html

It's amazing, I could read HB transcripts all day and never get tired of them. He is the king of non-intentional old man comedy. Seriously. Probably the only reason I find him so infuriating is because over and over again he is constantly and inexplicably held up as some God of NBA broadcasting. Take this ode to hubie (did he really just compare Hubie Brown to PICASSO, IRVING BERLIN, and SHAKESPEARE in the same sentence?! wtf?). Are these guys actually listening to what HB is saying. Jesus Christ it's like he's calling the game for a 5 yr old girl. Does no one SEE THIS?!

okay I'm getting a little too worked up with the caps.

Just FYI if you get tired of me ripping Color guys all the time being repetitive and stating the obvious all the time (*Cough*-Mark Jackson). I'll give you my NBA broadcast dream team so you no where I'm coming from:

-Play-by-Play - Marv Albert (He's exciting, smart and dryly sarcastic all at once, the sound of his voice is so full of Jordan-era nostaligia... and he bit a prostitute on the back... how do you even do that??)
-Serious Analyst - Doug Collins. (smarter, more honest, and less cliche-dependant that any other color guy and knows tons about the game)
-Secondary Analyst/Humor Guy - Jeff Van Gundy (Brutally honest, sarcastic, the ultimate "underdog" sort of guy, also REALLY smart about the game in out-of-the-box ways that other CCs really don't even approach)

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Thoughts on Magic-Cavs Game 1

I didn't think game 1 of the eastern conference finals could live up to what we saw last night, and for the first 2 quarters I thought I was right. That was until Orlando woke up and started giving it to the Cavs, culminating in one of the better Conference final games I've ever seen (Not the best tho... come on I lived through the Jordan era). But this surpassed what we saw last night, especially the incredible ending.

So here are some thoughts I had (Too big for tweets... plus after 8 texts in 5 minutes that shit can start to get annoying *cough* BILL SIMMONS *cough*... and hopefully, smaller in scope than last night madman rantings):

1. Most call him Michael Pietrus, I call him ... "the Lebron Stopper."
-- Ok, nobody will ever live up to that ridiculous "kobe stopper" nickname that rueben patterson gave himself but still, it's got a ring to it. Anyway, Pietrus (as well as Anthony Johnson on a couple possessions) played incredible defense on Lebron who up until the 4th was having maybe the best playoff game in NBA history. A lot of that should be credited to pietrus who was about the only Orlando player that didnt look totally terrified of taking a charge on bron bron.

2. Which brings me to a major Cavs problem as the playoffs progress. They were terrible offensively at the end of the game, and here's why. Their late game offense is as follows: give 'bron the ball, guards spot up in corners, ...watch. And repeat. While, this may work sometimes I just don't think it's a reliable end of game offense to run when you absolutely need a bucket, and we saw this when West made one 3 off a lebron drive but then missed the final one that would have put the game away. A good comparison is Boston, who generally plays final possessions in tight games better than anyone. They have a Pierce isolation option at the elbow, but then they also run Allen off of screens, or can have Rondo go to the bucket. Honestly, if I were Mike James I might consider putting the rock in Mo Williams' hands a little more down the stretch and seeing if he can break down Rafer (which he seemed to be capable of all night) and then getting the ball to Lebron as the defense collapses. Because most of his easy, monster dunks come when he is cutting off the ball as opposed to going 1-0n-5.

3. Which leads nicely into the major issue for the Cavs in this series which is matchups. Frankly, the Magic did very little to explout the awful matchup problems the Cavs have when on defense, especially in the 1st half (which Chuck pointed out at halftime). Varejao has no business guarding Lewis... and he can't for that matter, as we saw on the game winning shot, and West is too small for Turkoglu, which interestingly enough didn't play out in Hedo's scoring (because he's uncomfortable exploiting the mismatch in the post) but instead in the passing game where, playing a sort of point-forward, he repeatedly threw the ball easily over West for wide open Howard dunks. Hedo after all had an astonishing (for him) 14 assists. Yes, Lebron playing Alston early allowed him to cheat off Rafer and get some amazing blocks from the help side, but in the end he had to switch onto Turkoglu in order to stop the bleeding, thus expending more of his precious energy. On a side note, Alston really needs to take Lebron off the dribble if he's guarding him, and then dish when he draws the second defender. Alston sort of gave up that attack after his layup got stuffed by 'Bron in the 3rd quarter. But Hedo picked up the slack and forced the switch anyway. Furthermore, Z just can't guard or box out Howard, nor can he defend the pick and roll at the top of the key. Offensively, exploiting these mismatches is what brought the magic back into the game and what will make or break the rest of the series for them. Their easy second half scoring also tempered the Cavs transition game and thus helped their defense dig in. Van Gundy made some great adjustments at halftime I have to say. And playing Pietrus (who is really looking like a baller all of sudden), Gortat and AJ when he did really paid off.

4. I thought this game was officiated worse than last nights game. Literally, Howard committed an ACTUAL foul on 2 of his 6 fouls, AT MOST. The first offensive was very iffy, but let's say arguable. The 2nd was a joke, and almost looked like they meant to call a travel but had a brain cramp and forgot the word for traveling and so they just called a phantom foul instead. The 3rd involved Lebron tripping on a spin move past pietrus and falling into Howard who was standing still. The 5th was a clean block where Howard "brought his hands down on the ball" over Lebron... of course, when Lebron did that in the 1st half and actually made CONTACT there was no call. And the six was just blatantly bogus, with Howard jumping straight up in the air and Lebron getting bailed out.

On the other end, Mo Williams picked up 3 inexplicable fouls in 10 seconds, putting the Magic in the penalty well before they deserved to be there.

Here's an interesting thought about NBA officiating. What if they called the entire game like they call the 4th quarters. In other words, they let the flow of the game continue, in place of calling ticky tack fouls, bailing out off balance penetration, and giving players unnecessary personals... kinda like they do at the end of games when all of a sudden the game becomes really FUN to watch because the officials aren't dictating the flow of the action. Why should that only happen at the end of games, and why should officiating change based on the score and clock anyway...? who knows... let's just blame David Stern again and call it a night. That always makes me happy.

Another thing that makes me happy is incredible NBA playoff games and these 2 have delivered. I actually jumped up, pumped my fist several times, and yelled (indirectly I'll admit) in Varejao's face (drawing a smirk from my grilfriend... who was reading the 4th Twilight book on the couch next to me-- my turn to smirk) when Rashard hit that money 3 to win it.

5. Despite all the issues that the Cavs have matchup-wise on defense, and "Lebron-watching"-wise on offense. I still think they have a better chance of winning this series than the lakers theirs. Here's what I would say. In close games, the Cavs (the better team talent-wise) have about a 50% chance of winning because of their aforementioned problems, but (as we saw in the 1st half) they are very capable of blowing the Magic out, especially at home. They are just too good as a team when everything is clicking and they are moving the ball and running. And their crowd (when it doesn't fall asleep, seriously that 3rd quarter was emabarassing for Cleveland fans) is a huge factor in home games.

I'm thinking the Cavs win the rest of their home games in this series (2 of the 3 by a healthy margin) and then play 3 close games in Orlando, stealing 1 of the 3 (they are not gonna ever be blown out in this series, not with Lebron able to take over at any time). So I still think Cavs in 7 (I'll be rooting for the Magic every game of course) but it could come down to an incredible game 6 in orlando if they are down 2-3 at that point... which would really be scary for Lebron and Co.
Of course, it never goes down how we think it will, and that's why these games are so fun to watch.

6. I dislike him sometimes because every defender that's ever guarded him refuses to hammer him in the lane or take a charge when he's coming full speed for a dunk (yeah I know how bad it would hurt), but I gotta hand it to Lebron who (except for that flop on Pietrus's offensive foul) played an incredibly physical, competitive, emotional game for every second he was on the floor. When he gets the full killer instinct at the end of games (and he's almost, ALMOST there) he will be BY FAR the greatest to ever play the game, and I will be able to say I saw him come into his own. Which is amazing.

Can't wait for tomorrow night. Thinking about getting a K-Mart kissy lips tattoo to commemorate my excitement... wait no I'm not.

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Thoughts on Nuggets-Lakers Game 1

1st off... wow. What a game. I literally can't wait for the rest of this series, esp. when it goes back to denver. That place is gonna be nuts! A couple thoughts that I have to get off my chest b4 I can force myself to sleep:

1. The NBA really, really, REALLY needs to change their rule on fouls that give the advantage to the team fouling. It applies to Hack-a-Shaq situations but it ruins the game even more in late games situations like tonight. Here's really the only answer that works: throughout the game a team should be able to decline fouls (just like they can in the NFL) and take the ball out of bounds (moreover intentional off the ball fouls should ALWAYS be 1 shot by any player and the ball (a la tech fouls), thus eliminating advantage of using hack-a-shaq to slow down tempo). But here's the wrinkle that affects the late game down-by-3-with-the-ball scenario where you purposely foul as the Lakers did tonight. A foul by the team that is WINNING withing the final 2 MINUTES, should be declinable, but not vice versa. So, in other words a team would not be able to decline fouls within the last 2 minutes of the game if they are winning and the other team is scrambling to come back and using fouls to do so.

I know this sounds a little complicated but basically what I want is declinable fouls all game long except if you are leading in the final 2 minutes. Think about it this way. What would you rather watch? Chauncey Billups attempt another ridiculous off balance 3 to possibly tie the game (and you KNOW he makes it too... he is "Mr. Big Shot") or a mad scramble for the rebound of an intentionally missed free throw that really has little to do with basketball at all?

Seriously, for a game THAT great to end that way is a travesty. Of course David Stern will never change the rule because he fucking sucks balls... (but that's another story, for another post)

2. I've never seen Melo play that hard. Period. What you realize watching him come alive defensively and competitively in these playoffs is how much being great in the NBA is about will. I still think the Nuggs are limited if they decide to go one-on-one offense with Melo late in games but he played ridiculous defense on Kobe and worked so hard for post position (despite several uncalled fouls I might add). And without once flopping to get a call which Bryant does 50% of the times he feels any contact.

3. While I complain about the bad rule on the up-by-3 fouling, let's be honest. This game was GIVEN away by the nuggets bc they can't run a fucking inbounds play. I mean seriously, how many times does this happen at the end of games. Why can't you just draw up a legitimate play to get somone OPEN?! George Karl? Anyone???? I feel like every time Bill simmons talks about college ball he gets all up on his high horse about how they just don't play very smart in college, how they make silly mistakes and it makes for bad basketball. But not being able to run a simple inbounds play at the end of a game. Well that looked like college ball... bad college ball. And actually you see it all the time in the NBA. Worst of all, guy's weren't really trying that hard to get open.



seriously, watch the play unfold (@3:00 in the above vid). Melo jogs around a curls screen towards the baseline almost a token effort because it's not designed to get him the ball unless he's totally open, and then Billups Jogs non-chalantly towards mid court only to get stripped easily by Ariza. Please, draw up a play where the screens actually get someone relatively open and SPRINT to the spot. Come on, it's the end of the game. and Secondly, wtf is George Karl doing subbing in AC for birdman, and then having AC inbound the ball against Lamar Odom? Birdman should be in to get an offensive board anyway... you really think AC is gonna make the final shot? Really??

Seriously, that is just amateur. And seriously frustrating as the deciding play in such a great game. What is this Jackson St. vs. IUPUI?

4. Nobody really mentioned this when it happened but wtf was with the Melo tech when he clapped his hands. Did he say something awful? Because if that's what it takes to get a tech in a Western Conference finals game (clapping your fucking hands) then Kobe should have gotten three techs instead of one. Of course, the refs are so used to Kobe complaining that they don't even notice it any more unless he is throwing an all out hissy fit like he did in the 2nd half. I only mention this because the Melo tech not being called changed everything if you give the lakers a 2 pt instead of a 3 pt lead at the end of that game. That said, I will assume for the refs' sake that it was what he said, and not the clap, that did it, but as bad as NBA reffing is sometimes, it's hard to say.

5. I recently did one of those 5 favorite lists on facebook naming my 5 fav current NBA players (JJ Barea, Stephen Jackson, Joakim Noah, Birdman, and Rondo). It was impossible to get everybody I liked in there (JT, Gordon, Hinrich and Rose all were worthy) but I realized in the middle of the game tonight that K-mart would absolutely be on that list if he didn't have that awful kiss tattoo on his neck. Seriously, man get that shit lasered off and we'll talk because right now you look retarded. On a side note, K-mart has some even worse tattoos including a grim reaper holding a basketball and chinese lettering that he thought meant "never satisfied" but according to yao ming actually translates to something more along the lines of "indecisive" or "unaggressive." Nice.
That said, he played some unbelievable, strong-willed defense tonight, against bigger guys, and it was fun to watch. Message to Mark Cuban (ironically my fav nba owner) pull a Cuban and resolve the K-Mart feud in the all-out wackiest way possible by signing K-mart next season. It's so crazy it just might work. After all K-Mart fears no man but God... and the Grim Reaper of basketball.

5. Mark Jackson is the 2nd worst color commentator in the NBA (Hubie Brown of course being the worst, no contest), and everytime he utters a trite, cliche ridden phrase to accent a push to commercial I want to shoot myself in the face. Worst of all, half the time the cliche's are clearly incorrect, in that he seems to have come up with something he likes the sound of, the finality of and thus goes with it even as the replay he's talking under seems to completely undermine his point. Worst of all, he's stealing time from Van Gundy, who is far and away the best color guy in the league bc he says what he's actually thinking about what he's actually seeing. Novel idea, I know. He doesn't just blurt out the first pretty cliche that comes to his head. For example, if they're watching a replay and after watching it the call is clearly bad, Van Gundy will say something akin to "but that's a charge. that's a bad call." Whereas Jackson, forever sticking to the script, will counter with something like "but that's just Kobe Bryant getting to the bucket, imposing his will, and not allowing his team to lose..." and cut to a fucking KIA ad. Seriously, read those lines in your head with their voices and tell me I'm wrong.

Anyway, Jackson's bad Color Comm. got me thinking about what to re-name the blog now that Madden has indeed retired and what I realized is that the aforementioned Hubie Brown has been the worst Color Commentator in ANY sport all along, and I just overlooked it because Madden is more well known. But no more my friends. Brown must be called out (for numerous reasons that I'll detail later along with a drinking game you can actually play while watching the mind-numbing games he does), and called out he will be...

I now give you: Please Retire Hubie -- a sports blog about shit that actually makes sense.